So, this is my first written post of the year 2017.
I’ve posted about it on various forms of social media. FB/Instagram mainly.
But since my last post, I had a social media hiatus.
Essentially, the goal was to find me, to find Ashlee!
As typical, generic and probably overdone that may sound.
But I needed to find the better version of myself.
The version of myself where I was independent like I used to be, where I was HAPPY like I used to be, where I wasn’t wasted from Monday to Sunday and where I did not hate every inch of my skin or contemplate death which was far too many times than I’m comfortable to admit.
Since then. I have been on a quest, for self- discovery.
I’ve started journaling, meditating and going on solo walks/ hikes with no headphones (no distractions)
I’m not 100% better, and I may not ever be 100% better.
I feel about 50% better. I am no longer relying on social media as I used to, I don’t need it to validate my experience/feelings or even my existence.
I feel a little more independent than I was and I can spend time alone (and sober) without wanting to hurt myself or anyone else.
My eating disorder is rampant currently, BUT I dislike myself a little less than I did a month ago. I’m not sure if that’s OK, but baby steps are still steps.
Til next time